bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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