Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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