she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
