Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
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lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
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I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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