every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
