i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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