ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
