your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
