So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
