i don't like sucking hair
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
