I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
me + whiskey = a bad person
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
