you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
