His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
