I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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