how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
