you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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