ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
