i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
