I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
