There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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