College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
