I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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