I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
