I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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