oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize