i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
