i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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