I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
