She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
