i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
