im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
