I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
