let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
