i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
