i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
