we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
