Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
