She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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