My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
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