saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
