Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
