i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
We got so high we made milksteak
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
