Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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