my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
