Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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