i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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