Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
pop tarts are not kleenex
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
