I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
