OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
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