And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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