I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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