I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
