So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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