The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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