Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Randomize
