rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
