Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
