xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
