Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
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