Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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