from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
