im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
