A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
