Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Im at strip club and am horny
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
