I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Randomize