I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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