I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
