I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
