??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
