So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
