The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Be still, my beating vagina.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
