Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
