She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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