I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
