i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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