So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
