i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
