so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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