I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
