so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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